Sunday, November 18, 2012

On Change

(Written about 10 days ago, just slow to post)

I'm still alive and kicking it here in fire-burning flood-ridden snow-falling Saratoga Springs Utah, just amazed by and enjoying the changes in my life.

I remember when my old life came tumbling down in an instant, in a moment, and how I felt so sorry for myself for so long.  I remember thinking, "Who does this kind of thing even happen to, except maybe Job?" (Good ol' Old Testament Job).

And here I am now, in the same beautiful place, with a brand new life, so sweet and fulfilling, I can only think, "Who does this kind of thing even happen to, except maybe Job?"  

That is the yin and the yang of life, that the blessings rise up to equal the trials.  That's where justice makes itself known.

Every day is different, every day there is something new, and more to learn.  I remember my Dad once telling me that there were two things for certain in this life- death, and change. Everything changes, accept it.  Embrace it. Or choose to be miserable.

It's snowing outside,and the trees are all but bare, their cold and tender branched hold on tightly to the last memories of summer 2012. Our fireplace is burning, and the dogs are soaking wet, rolling around in the yard, and the cat is cozily curled up with her head on my knee, exhausted after her episode of being thrown in the tub this morning by Olivia. (You should have seen all the fur and water in our bathroom. I can't stop laughing about it). 

 Yesterday it was nearly 70 degrees and the trees in my yard were adorned with brilliant orange and red leaves, and the cat stayed dry. Yesterday our driveway was covered in the sweetest message, the kindest words that gave me warm fuzzies every time I came home. Today the same driveway has been washed clean by the moisture, proclaiming itself ready for a reply from me. What a change!

 I think of my old self, the one who absolutely loathed winter.  All it took was one sweet man who brought me the most magical season of snow last year to change that. 

 I love the cold, the ice, the snow.  It reminds me of my Dane, starting my vehicle to warm it up for me unexpectedly, and how he would laugh at me when I would be looking for my keys, and tell me to look in the driveway.  

I think of him bearing frigid temperatures and falling sleet to walk me to my car in his pajamas, and how he would tease me that it was a "Lexxus" (which it wasn't) and no matter how cold or wet or windy it was, he would stand out there and watch me drive away until I was out of sight.

 It brings back the memory of how we had hot chocolate by the fireplace night after night until we ran out of whipped cream, and so we decided to used ice cream instead, and now there is simply no other way to drink hot chocolate, except enriched and foaming with a scoop of ice cream. Pumpkin was my favorite, it would melt into a bubbly froth and rise to the top of the mug and bring a delightful sweet spice flavor to the drink.  Mint chocolate chip was a close second; the chocolate would melt and sink to bottom of the drink to be polished off with a rich sweet ending.

I remember the sanctuary his home became to me. The fire would be burning any time I gave notice of my arrival, and I would take off my boots and lay on the carpet while the heat from the flames would warm my back. I fell asleep there, on the floor, countless times, exhausted from the trials of divorce and the challenges of being a single mom.  My Dane would bring me blankets and pillows and tenderly smooth back my hair as I rested. It was a small piece of heaven, with flames that healed and did not burn, found unexpectedly in a time that was supposed to be consumed with unquenchable hellfire.  

I remember standing in his living room and looking out the back window, studying the way the snow would fall. the flakes came down, large and soft, in a splendorous dance, joyously giving silent praise to their Creator. My eyes would drift to the large building that stood adjacent to his backyard, and I couldn't help but smile about the irony of being so close, and yet, so far from each other.  How many times had I gone to meetings in that same building, not knowing that my destiny lay so close. It was just a stones throw away, and I had no idea.  And, yet, I am so grateful things happened just the way they did, had I met him a day earlier than I did, things would not have been right.  Some changes in this life are so near, yet unseen. Like the next world they can be just a moment, a breath, a heartbeat away.

 I used to dread this time of year, the short days and dark nights. although I could admit it was beautiful, like a pale thin snobby supermodel can have outward beauty, it was something that did not appeal to me, something I could view only with disdain.  I would get depressed even thinking about it's imminent arrival. And now winter is the same, cold and snowy, but I am different. I hope to create a repeat and improvement over the next few months on all the great things that gave me such a change of heart.

Jack shows off his latest piece of artwork- pencil on a "door canvas".

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Funeral Potatoes

Oh, what's for dinner?  I think deciding is the hardest part!  Here is a good side- one of our favorites.  Funeral potatoes -recipe from "Mesquite Mama"

How to make it

  • Grease 9x13 baking dish and preheat oven to 350
  • In large bowl combine soups, sour cream, cheese, onions, and the 1/2 cup of melted butter.
  • Gently fold hash browns into mixture.
  • Pour mixture into pan.
  • Combine crushed corn flakes and the 2 Tbs. of melted butter and sprinkle on top of potato mixture.
  • Bake for 30 minutes.
  • *If wanting to, you can use cubed potatoes instead of hash browns but you will need to increase baking time to 55 minutes.
I personally don't put the onions in, and I often substitute the soup with cream of Mushroom, and I am very generous with the cheese :)  This is great with chicken and a green salad...mmm....  Enjoy!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Splendor-ous Swimming

We took a cruise to the Mexican Riviera on the Carnival Splendor in Febuary.

My parents took the entire family as part of our Christmas.

The kids spent an afternoon swimming, and although it was a bit chilly, they splashed their little hearts out.

                                   Those kids sure braved the cold for some fun!!!  Awesome!!!

Sadly, Jack took a bottle of colloidal silver, and poured it on the keyboard of my laptop when I wasn't looking, destroying the computer completely, so these are all the photos i have left of that vacation....but the memories live on.

Peace out.

Monday, May 21, 2012

So, it's been forever since I last wrote anything here! There have been so many changes in my life, and I feel like I need to write a disclaimer before continuing:

This blog is about my life and the way I see the world.  The point of it is simply self expression.  Nothing here is meant to hurt anyone from my life, past or present  (unless otherwise stated). 

I know there are trolls and bloggy stalkers out there.  People always talk, and that's fine.  Go ahead and talk...what you say about others tells more about you than it does about them.

This week, I feel so much that the truth has set me free, in so many ways.  I am so happy, enjoying the moments as they pass.  I have challenges, sure, but for the most part, life is just so good.

Spring has flung open the door with a cheerful announcement of it's own arrival.  The world is green and lush again, the lake is a clear blue, and our rocky mountain peaks are losing the last trails of white snow.  The children are outside every day, and our kids' latest chores include taking Jack out to jump on the trampoline and watering the gardens.

My new husband and I are working hard, combining 2 households, which is kind of like moving, except the house you are moving into is already completely full of stuff.  Fun, huh? So our 4 car garage is down to, like a 1.5 car garage, because we are Americans, and have way more stuff than the average person on the planet.  Our neighbors probably think I have a hoarding problem.

Oh, but look at him, he is so cute, it's worth it all:

                                                   I am so in love with this sweet man!!! 

It seems like we have come under a lot of unsolicited scrutiny.  It amazes me how people will fill in' unkowns' to a story with...well...lies.  My relationship with Dane is so, so special to me, I have been reluctant to share anything at all.   I have this deep desire to protect him and what we share...but also, I feel that what we have is so amazing, there may be some who would benefit from what I have to say.  Maybe it's time to open up a little...?

Anyway...  the kids have been enjoying their cousin Alexander, who is here for the summer.  Isn't he adorable?

He and London were out enjoying the warm evening last week, making ice cream out of Play Dough.

                                                   Yum!  That ice cream looks delicious!!!!

I'm so pressed for time lately, so that's it for today. I will let Jack end this post with a ....

                                                          peace out, baby.  Peace out.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I Won the Love Lottery.

Good Morning My Sweet Kellie,

         I wanted to take a few minutes this morning the 19th of April and tell you how much I love you. I am very thankful to have such a special lady in my life and I feel extra grateful to have you as my wife. I appreciate all that you do each and every day and there isn't a minute that goes by that I'm not thinking about you.

       I know that we have had our challenges with each other as we continue to learn and grow together, but even through those challenges I wanted to let you know that I would never go back to my past life or choose anybody else, I love you and only you! I know we have alot to do as we bring our lives and homes together, and I realize that there will be challenges, but once again I'm committed to "us" and I know that we can do whatever we set out to accomplish.

       I understand that I am prone to use alot of towels, not put my pajamas away, leave my clothes laying around the room, can't use certain toothpaste, over organize, need personal living space, alot of time with my spouse, pretty quiet and reserved about my religious beliefs, and can be over zealous in regard to my love for America. My desire despite my many faults is to be a good and loyal husband, a good and honorable father, a good friend, and a man of good character regardless the cost or if I stand alone.

      Once again I am grateful for you, our 8 children, our beautiful house, your sweet smile, your warm touch, your kind words, your tender heart, your beautiful long hair, your sweet legs, your adorable arms, your great cooking, your kisses, the way you sit close to me, the sweet way you look at me, and your soft whisperings in my ear.

     I hope you have a wonderful day filled with all the joy that you can imagine!!!!


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Dear Haters,

I have so much more for you to be mad at.

Just be patient.


(I couldn't resist...hehehe.)

Sunday, January 15, 2012

(Almost) Sunday Snapshots

I'm taking refuge 
in this snowless winter, 
waiting for the sun to turn on it's course 
through infinity.

I'm holding on to every 


 of love 
I have left,
treasuring it
like the air I breathe. 

This January day was unusually 

and it held me

as I reminded myself to enjoy the chaos, 
enjoy the craziness of children, 
and to enjoy the silence 
that falls 
when the rooms in my home 
empty and cold.  

This is my mindset, a shield to buffer against the 
sharp edges
of insanity as it tries to argue that things should be 


than they are.  

But I know better.

Things are perfect 

just like this. 

This life, the one God gave me,

is flawless

within the walls of it's own


This is the life I was meant to live. 

How do I know?  

I'm living it.